Thing-a-day.com

A while ago I was in a mediocre burger restaurant and I noticed they had mediocre abstract paintings on their walls. The paintings were roughly 12″ x 5″ and completely unremarkable. The price tag underneath read $150. This got me curious as to who purchased these paintings and why? They clearly were not being purchased by any serious collectors. For one, there was nothing unique about them. Secondly, they were unsigned as far as I could tell. Yup… pretty much worthless as a serious investment.

The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I grew. To whom were they going to sell this tiny, worthless painting for $150? Who in their right mind would buy such a thing? Finally, after much pondering, it struck me like a golfer teeing off during a thunderstorm; I resolved that the ideal patron for a work like this is someone with too much pecuniary income and no taste. In short, they were selling it to some sucker with tacky taste to put over their couch or to match their color scheme in their bathroom (or something like that). Whoever made this painting and set that price had figured something out that I had not. They must have realized that whomever was buying this type of art didn’t know any better and was vainly trying to buy social status (Or at least, I hope they figured that out. It would be sad if they felt their painting was worth that much).

Any which way, I thought about it some more. Hanging art on the wall is one way to let people know, “Hey, I have money!” Unfortunately, when you’re hanging a crappy painting in the crapper, most people don’t say “Hey, that tiny thing is artwork. I bet they spent, so, like, $150 on that!” No, they probably are thinking to themselves, “I shouldn’t have ordered that strange Lebanese lamb meatloaf.”

Here is my point: People are spending obscene amounts on these works of art to pretend like they have status and taste only for it to be lost on their audience. It is lost on their audience because if they need to reinforce their rising social status through the acquisition of bad art, their audience is either individuals of an inferior social status that could care less, or, worse, of a superior social status and think that people who purchase such works are buffoons. I feel that rarely will they be entertaining social climbers that are on the same rung of the social ladder and able to grasp the significance of such a statement. This means that, as a functional object, the painting is very weak since it does not explicitly convey the information that the patrons would like to express; namely, “I spent a lot of money on a small work of art to match my couch! Look at me! I have money! Look at me!”

My solution: Paint the price-tag over the crappy abstract painting. This way it is explicitly clear to all of each and every individual that subsequently glances upon this work just how much the patron spent in its acquisition. In addition, their painting will be signed in a unique handwriting and part of a series done by a serious conceptual artist (myself). As such, not only should they reinforce a person’s need to express their social status through consumption, but they should also increase in value over time.

How I determined the price: Judging by the prices on the paintings in the mediocre burger joint, a painting is worth the square of its width. This seems reasonable to me. I like making money on art and people like spending money on art. It all works out.

Would you like to purchase a painting? Leave me a comment.

Last 5 posts by Randy Sarafan

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