Awareness, Acceptance, Action
I wrote about being gentle with myself under adversity a while ago, so I have been doing anything that I thought they would be uplifting emotionally. I was wrong though.
Indulgence has a hint of regret, or guilty to it when you use it, doesn’t it?
I did enjoy going to a ballet, orchestra, fancy dinners, but part of me was saying, ‘is this really what you are supposed to do?’
I tried not to listen to the voice, thinking, why not? I am not going into debt or anything. What is wrong with being indulgent as I am feeling like crap?
Because of the sense of guilt, I must say I didn’t completely embrace joy of what I love to do, which led me on a binge of all those things I did. I wasn’t fully satisfied with them, so I had to do more, more and more, which made me feel more insecure, worried and crappy.
The voice is mine, but this is what my mother always said to me when I was growing up.
‘You should save your money. Keep your room clean. Don’t be like that,’ and so on and on, and on.
In a way, my mother did a great job to ingrain what she thought I should be doing.
I am a grown-up woman now and I want to live my life. Not hers.
This is quite liberating. I can stand on my feet. Now, I wait for the time to make actions to pursue my dreams, which I neglected for too long.
Last 5 posts by Principessa
- Final Day - February 29th, 2008
- Tasogare (Twilight) - February 28th, 2008
- Voila! - February 27th, 2008
- Little Flowers on Your Feet - February 26th, 2008
- Mum's Birthday - February 26th, 2008
I wonder what your mother would say if you asked her, in all seriousness, to answer the rhetorical question that you asked: What is wrong with being indulgent?
“Supposed to do..”? …as in that your life has some design? …some specific, pre-ordained purpose? …something which ballet detracts from?
SS
Let’s talk about this topic when you come back from CA. I’d love to hear more about your thoughts.
deal! how about over Strawberry Risotto?