The official round of thing-a-day is done. Thank you all for your incredible work and see you next year!

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I’ll have a quart of cream cheese with two bagels as handles on either side.

Apparently, this is what I ACTUALLY order at my bagel shop on the way to work as opposed to a “bagel with cream cheese”.

What I’m saying is they put too much cream cheese on bagels. Period.

If you don’t think so, YOU put too much cream cheese on your bagels. Period.

Perhaps bagelIERS were a race of simple people, cursed in the ancient times by a race of Cream Cheese goblins who told them they would be enslaved until they unloaded all of this creamy whitenes onto unsuspecting victims? This is the the only reason I can figure that the girl at my bagel shop refuses to listen to my desperate plea of “just a little, PLEASE!” This must be why she turns her back to me when she grabs that stainless steel vat, a shovel and starts unloading. The curse is the only explanation that makes sense.

Bagel-iers…I am sorry for whatever has happened to your people. But it is not right to unload your goblin curse on me so that I’m stuck on the train pulling pounds of cream cheese off of my bagel with the square inch of wax paper you give to me!

Please accept your ancestors’ lot in life and carry on.

Last 5 posts by sarjack

Comments:

  • ABSOLUTELY! Cream cheese fanatics are only overshadowed by dressing fanatics who drown my salads in gallons of vinaigrette.

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